11 Things and One Little Word . . .

Well, here goes NOTHING . . . this post is going to be VERY, VERY personal . . . just warning you now ;-)!! I was told by an AWESOME photographer friend about a VERY talented lady http://aliedwards.com/ and totally fell in LOVE with her approach to life, scrapbooking, and photography. So I am starting on a NEW journey with this NEW year, 2011. I LOVE this photo that I had my little Oaklee take of me. This is usually how you see me . . . rushing out the door with my camera hanging down and my pants tucked in my boots because I don't have time to bend over and get them fixed . . . 11 Things My Life Does NOT Need In 2011:

1. Rushing Around: For the past two and a half years of my life I have been Rushing Around and NOT taking any time to stop and smell the roses or enjoy my girls and family! I'm always in a hurry everywhere I go lately because I've been up too late editing photoz and am just plain TIRED!!

2. Being Ornery To My Precious Girls and Cowboy: Man, this one has got to CHANGE!! I am usually sooo nice to everyone, but when I get home the devil horns come out and I am ornery!! This is something I will work REALLY hard on!! I know some of you won't believe me, but ask my husband, Oaklee, or my Mom and they will all tell you that I've been pretty ornery the last few months or should I say years!!??

3. Piles and Clutter: Oh how I HATE piles and clutter and they have totally taken over my home!! I have NOT had time to do anything, but go out and take photoz and then spend MANY, MANY long hours editing those photoz! So the clothes are piled up around my house, clean and dirty. The dishes NEVER get done and things are just cluttered because I've spent way too many hours on photoz!

4. NO time for ME!! 'Nuff said on that one!

5. Over-Extending Myself: I must learn the word NO this year!! I just took on WAY TOO many photo sessions last year and it has about done me in. I am sooo thankful for ALL the business that I have had, but I MUST learn the word NO this year! I will NOT be taking on as many photo shoots this year.

6. Self-Doubt: I have spent a small fortune on photography classes, mentoring sessions, new equipment, a new computer, new photo software, etc. etc. trying to be a BETTER photographer and a photographer that I am NOT!! This year I am going to focus more on having FUN and getting my passion back with taking photoz and NOT being so technical with my camera as I have gotten to be and because of that I have lost my passion!! :-)

7. Stress and Worry: Oh how life is just HARD and I worry about EVERY little thing!! This year I want to worry less and try to be a little less stressed out!

8. DRAMA!! I am sooo sick of drama in the photography world!! I LOOOVE taking photoz, but there is so much going on right now that it's just NOT worth it!

9. Stinky Dishes and Clothes NOT Folded: Okay so this one is sooooo needing to change. I edit way too many photoz and I know that and spend way too much time on each photo session. I am spending over 20 hours PER photo session . . . I did 64 photo sessions last year. You figure out the math about how many hours I spent editing photoz last year!! That's NOT counting all the "other" photo sessions I did on the side and 6 weddings. I did NOT make very much money per hour last year!! I'm tired of being talked about and being called the "slow photographer"! This is why I have sooo many things in my life that need to be CHANGED!! It's going back to I don't need DRAMA!!

10. Credit Card Debt: Going back to #6 . . . I have spent a small fortune on new equipment and educating myself to be the BEST that I can and now have some credit card debt. So that is needing to CHANGE!

11. Yelling at My Girls: This is sooo going to CHANGE!! My girls are my life and they are way too precious to deserve to be yelled at by their over tired photographer Mom!!

So there you have it . . . 11 things my life does NOT need in 2011. I keep saying the word CHANGE a lot because I am taking a class from Ali Edwards called One Little Word. You are supposed to choose a word for the year. I chose CHANGE because so many things need to change with me personally, spiritually, financially, and in my business! With all this said, what does it mean?? It means that I am taking a MUCH NEEDED BREAK from taking photoz right now!! This is one of my most favorite photoz of ME and I want to just have FUN and be ME again . . . and I've been sooo stressed out that I haven't been ME for a very LONG time!! :-) This is my family's photo that was taken in May. This is the day I buried my Son, Riley. My heart is still hurting and I need to take some time to grieve for my Son. I jumped back into photography way too soon after I lost him . . . This is me with my girls. I LOVE this photo and it's one of the fun things I did with them last year. I didn't hardly do anything with them because I was sitting in front of my computer! I want to do more FUN things with them! Even if it's just sitting on the floor with them playing a game!! This is my MaLayni Jane. She's now 2 1/2 years old and I am so missing out on her life and she's growing up way too fast while I am editing 300 photoz for everyone . . . This is my Oaklee Rayn. She's now 6 1/2 years old and MISSES her Mom and thinks that I HATE her because I am always at the computer or taking photoz . . . I want that to NEVER enter her mind AGAIN that she thinks I hate her. The night she told me that it broke my heart . . . so this year I am spending more time with Oaklee and MaLayni!! And then there's this guy . . . my Cowboy and the love of my life. He's my biggest supporter yet the one that has suffered the MOST from my business!! Thank goodness he will eat frozen pizzas, deal with my being gone taking photoz, deal with my sitting at the computer until 3 AM most nights, and having a VERY messy house. I LOVE him and I need to spend more time with HIM!! :-) Here's MaLayni at the farm. I haven't done a lot this year to help Matt with our cattle because once again, I've been too busy editing photoz . . . are you seeing a pattern here?? And then we had Christmas Time. The happiest time of the year . . . I was NOT happy this year!! I was editing like a mad woman trying to get everyone's photoz DONE and to them BEFORE Christmas that I barely got my tree up. Now I know I only have myself to blame for that by editing so many photoz, but I have a HARD time NOT giving out ALL the photoz that I take, so I will work on CHANGING that so I can save my sanity this year!! :-) In closing . . . this is my Great-Aunt, who we lost in her house fire. As I sat there with my Grandma that day listening to her talk about Jeanne my mind kept going back to how busy I have been and that I just wanted to freeze time and take away her pain from just loosing her Sister. Life is just WAY TOO SHORT!!! I wanted to freeze time and go back in time to all the days that I spent missing out on my little girls' lives and letting them sit in front of the TV for HOURS upon HOURS so I could edit photoz!! I need to spend more time with my family . . . I do LOOOOVE taking photoz for ALL of you, but I LOOOOVE my family MORE!! I don't go spend time with Riley at the cemetary like I want to. Man I miss that little guy and need some time to reflect and heal from loosing my Son. I warned you all this was personal and sorry for the long post, but this has been in me for so long that I MUST get it out!! I'm NOT done with my business although some days I want to be!! I have a GREAT thing going and I am sooo grateful for that, but I MUST CHANGE things up A LOT so I am not sooo crazy/busy that I can't even enjoy a night with my family!! I do NOT know when the last time I just sat on the couch and did NOTHING was!! I know there are a lot of photographers out there wishing they could be as busy as me and are probably thinking that I'm nuts for saying all of this and for taking a break, but it's what I MUST do!! I know some of you will NOT want to wait for me and some of you will NOT understand my choice to PUT MY FAMILY FIRST and that's okay!! I'm totally okay with loosing business this year if that's what it takes for ME to be ME again and enjoy my life and my business taking photoz again. I want to spend more time scrapbooking which is another TRUE passion of mine that I just haven't had time to scrapbook for myself!!

CHANGES are in the works for some NEW/FUN things for Raynz Photoz! Stay tuned ;-)

I wish you all a VERY HAPPY NEW year and I will be back . . . I'm just NOT sure when! And like I said I won't be taking on as many photo sessions as I did last year or even the previous year! THANK YOU for listening and for understanding. I know I am putting myself out there and that's okay with me, too. I just need to do this for ME so I can CHANGE and be a better person, mother, wife, daughter, friend, cousin, aunt, and PHOTOGRAPHER!!

With Love. With tears rolling down my cheeks. With a lot of I am scared that I just ruined my business. With a HUGE weight lifted off my shoulders. With PEACE in my heart and a knowledge that I am truly blessed to be living my wildest dream of capturing your precious moments through my lens. With the hopes that everyone will understand. With NO more worrying about what everyone thinks of me and my photoz. With a HUGE sigh of relief, I leave this with you from the bottom of my heart!! Thank you for letting me have a business that most photographers only dream of, but for right now, for ME, for my family it's just too much, and I MUST take a step back. I MUST capture my own memories and take the time to scrapbook them. I MUST spend more time with ME and MY FAMILY. I MUST take a look in the mirror and CHANGE . . . Rayni :-)